A Modest Proposal
By Jonathan Swift (1729 )
For Making Sure That The Children of the Future Can Survive the Impact of Global Warming by Building Polar Cities For The Roughly 200 Million (Estimated) Survivors of Catastrophic Global Warming Events and For Making These Polar Cities Beneficial to The Publick
YOUTUBE video (24 seconds)
POLAR BEAR SUNBATHING:
Okay, so what is this 21st Century blog all about? Am I serious? Gallows humor in regard to global warming?........ Why not?...... It just might help spur people into
1. action ......or ........2. inaction.
Did you hear this one? Scientists have noted that Arctic warming could makeit easier to find oil.
Or this one: It has been observed that global warming is good for squid.
Here are some "famous last words" uttered by the very last survivor of humankind as he lays dying on his bed in the far distant future, maybe 500 years from now, sheltered in a SPR (sustainable polar retreat: http://climatechange3000.blogspot.com/) that was built for the last 200 million human survivors of catastrophic climate change ...
1. "I'm the last one here. I guess I should turn off the lights...."
2. "Robert Midgley, thanks for nothing!"
3. "It didn't have to be this way. Adieu!"
4. "Goodbye cool world."
5. "I wish the internal combustion machine had never been invented."
6. "Henry Ford, curse you, curse you!"
7. "Cars! Cars! All this because of too many cars! I breathe my last!"
8. "Global warming? What global warming? It was all a big hoax I was told....."
9. "O Lord, do with what's left....as You will!"
10. "O Earth, has it come to this?"
11. "Dear God, You forgot one thing: Earth is a self-regulating entity...."
12. "Dear God, why did you ever let Henry Ford invent cars? You should have known it would be the death of us!"
13. "Upon my last breath, it's over, this tragedie humaine..."
14. "To my children, I leave my....hey, wait a minute, I'm the last one!"
15. "We came a long way, we human beings, didn't we? From the primordial soup to this over-heated oven!"
16. "We coulda been contenders, but no, we had to get into fossil fuels..."
17. "What's the word on the street, you ask? There are no more streets. Adieu,. adieu..."
18. "The global warming denialists? I suspect they are all dead now!
19. "I never really believed in global warming or climate change. I still don't."
20. "James Lovelock? Never heard of him.....
21. "I go, I go. The heat! The heat!"
22. "Al Gore? Who was he?
23. "Gallows humor? I wouldn't call this gallows humor. This is just the end of the world as we know it. Get over it already. I have."
24. "If I had my life to live all over again, I would have consumed less energy, driven few miles, flown in few airplanes, cut down on my airconditioning bills, planted more trees.....oh, forget it! It's over now. Goodbye!"
A Joke About a Global Warming Denialist
Every morning, a global warming denialist steps out onto his front porch and exclaims: "Let this world be safe from climate change!" Then he goes back inside.
One day, his neighbor says to him: "What's the fuss all about? There isn't any global warming to worry about."
And the man says: "See? It works!"
MORE JOKES & QUOTES:
Did you hear about Russian President Vladimir Putin's suggestion in2003 that global warming could be a good thing because then Russianswould spend less money on fur coats?
Or did you hear about NASA's idea to solve the hot problem by moving the Earth into another orbit?
Or what about the week of June 12, 2001, when Australia vaccinatedsheep and cattle to prevent farting, which emits methane, which inturn contributes to global warming?
Gallows humor for climate change? It might work.
A report in 2001 detailing the effects of global warming in North America predicted the end of "a reliable snowmobile season" by 2050.
A spokesperson for the Chinese communist government says the West bears an"unshirkable responsibility" for climate change.
Scientists at Rutgers University in New Jersey said that global warming had doubled the rate of sea-level rise over the last 150 years, and there was nothing that could be done to stop it.
A British astronomer named Gerry Gilmore predicted that ground-based telescopes would be useless within 40 years because of climate change and jet contrails. "You either give up your cheap trips to Majorca," he said, "or you give up astronomy."
Researchers in Connecticut said that global warming has led to a massive decline in the lobster population of the Long Island Sound; however, if the polar ice caps melt and sea levels rise 30 feet, colder water might bring the lobsters back.
The United States projects that it will emit 19 percent more greenhouse gases in 2020 than it did in 2000.
Polls have found that while only 36 percent of Americans worry a great deal about global warming, 90 percent were prepared to fight its effects by caulking.
A United Nations expert panel announced a 50 percent likelihood that widespread ice sheet loss was inevitable and could elevate sea levels by up to 19 feet in the next several hundred years.
Experts warn that Lake Chad, Africa's third largest body of water, could become a pond by 2030.
A blogger named Meghan has her own
"Top Ten Reasons
Why GlobalWarming is A Good Thing"
10. Ice dancing will no longer be a legitimate sport.
9. It will be too hot for Dick Cheney to hunt.
8. Beach cabanas in Kansas!
7. Kayakers will be able to join Critical Mass.
6. No one will confuse Iceland and Greenland because they'll both be underwater.
5. Maybe we'll have good tomatoes all year round.
4. USA elections will go better without Florida.
3. No more foggy San Francisco summers! (We're not entirely sure ifthat is true -- that convection microclimate thing is a bit wacko --but we like it anyway.)
2. Canada Geese will stay in Canada.
1. AND.........[drum roll]............................... the number one reason why global warming is a good thing? We'll finally know what it's like to live in the Middle East! [Or Taiwan! Or India]]
FUNNY GALLOWS HUMOR GLOBAL WARMING PHOTOS HERE: (index)
- tip of the climate change hat to Daniel Kurtzman